


little loves

by ddoie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Play, Angst, Bed-Wetting, Bedtime Stories, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Other, Pet Names, Platonic Relationships, Teddy Bears, Touch-Starved, a little space fic !, pacifers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2019-12-26 04:33:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18275864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddoie/pseuds/ddoie
Summary: Sugar and spice, and everything nice, that's what little loves are made of.＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚Drabbles of NCT in Little Space˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊i.little!xuxi x caregiver!kun,ii.little!johnny x caregiver!taeyong,iii.little!jaehyun x caregiver!yuta,iv.little!taeyong x caregiver!taeilv.little!sichengvi.little!mark x little!xuxi x caregivers kun + taeil,vii.little!taeil x caregivers!johnny + kunviii.little!mark x caregivers!xuxi+ jungwooix.little!jungwoo + caregiver!taeil





	1. i. something soft - xuxi x kun

**Author's Note:**

> there aren't many little!nct fics so ! i'm gonna post little (hehe) concepts that i come up with !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xuxi has a hard time sleeping and, really, there's nothing that daddy can't fix.

Xuxi can’t sleep.

 

It’s not very often that he has a hard time sleeping, but sometimes his energy turns restless and then he’s stuck in bed, jittery and wide awake at four in the morning. He doesn’t quite know  _ why _ he can’t sleep, he just knows that he has a class in three hours and the fact that he’s still awake isn’t very good. Swallowing his embarrassment and figuring that he has nothing to lose, he grabs his teddy bear and pillow. 

 

Xuxi slides his slippers on, his socks aren’t enough for the cold floor, and pads into the kitchen. He sets his things down on the counter and reaches for the cabinets. His special mug, the one with puppies and hearts all over it, is higher on the shelf than he usually puts it so he has to reach up on his tiptoes to get it. Xuxi’s in the middle of pouring milk, spilling a little because it’s very late and he’s a bit clumsy, when he notices footsteps, the sound of slippers shuffling across hardwood, coming closer. 

 

“Xuxi?” Kun yawns. “Why are you still up?” Xuxi turns and sees the older man rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He’s wearing his matching set of bear-printed pajamas, the ones Xuxi had bought for him last New Years, with his blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Kun looks so small, warm and soft. Xuxi melts.

 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Xuxi mumbles, his voice smaller than he’d like it to be. He keeps his eyes on Kun’s corgi slippers, but they don’t make him giggle this time. “I almost did but it was hard...so I came to try some warm milk.” He sees Kun wake up a little, sees him take in the worn teddy bear on the counter and the way Xuxi is clinging to the milk carton like it’s the only thing keeping him upright. His eyes soften, warm honey that makes Xuxi feel squirmy inside. 

 

“Oh, baby. Why didn’t you come get me?” Kun steps into Xuxi’s space and gently pries the milk from his hands, putting it back in the fridge and turning back to Xuxi. He shrugs his blanket off and wraps it around Xuxi’s shoulders, cradling his face in his small hands once he’s done. Kun coos quietly when he sees tears on Xuxi’s cheeks and thumbs them away. 

 

“It’s late,” Xuxi chokes out, suddenly overwhelmed. “It’s really, really late and I didn’t wann’ bother you, Kun. I’m sorry.” After that, apologies spill from his lips, no matter how hard he tries to stop them. He feels hot tears trail down his face and can taste the salt. Gasping quietly for air and shaking, he reaches up and covers Kun’s hands on his cheeks with his own. He needs to be close to the other man. 

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kun soothes, pulling Xuxi closer so that they’re completely pressed together, like he read Xuxi’s mind. “None of that now, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He ducks his head and looks up into Xuxi’s eyes, makes sure he’s paying attention. 

 

“It’s okay, you can cry all you want. You know that I don’t mind, honey. You’re just a little upset because you can’t sleep, huh? That’s all, nothing we can’t fix, baby.” Xuxi nods quickly, sniffling loudly. He curls into Kun’s small body and tucks his head in the crook of his neck. He babbles and whimpers, and Kun hums in acknowledgement, like he can understand whatever it is that Xuxi’s trying to tell him. After a while, Kun turns his head in and presses a soft kiss to his tear-stained cheek before pulling back. Xuxi whines but Kun just gently hushes him. The older man reaches for Xuxi’s pillow and teddy bear, tucking them into Xuxi’s arms.

 

“I’m gonna make you your milk,” Kun says quietly, stroking the back of Xuxi’s neck. “Can you be a good boy and take your teddy so you can wait in your room for me? I’ll only be a minute or two, angel.” 

 

“...Can do it myself.” Kun shakes his head, guiding Xuxi’s face back into his chest. He pets his head, running his fingers through Xuxi’s thick hair.

 

“I know you can,” Kun says gently. “I want to help you, baby. Can I, please?” Xuxi’s nod is a small jerk of his chin. Kun kisses his temple and nudges him toward his room, watching Xuxi turn and then stop. He knows the boy must have something on his mind, but he’ll give him time to think. Kun’s turning to grab the vanilla extract and honey when Xuxi speaks up. 

 

“Daddy?” Xuxi’s voice is small and sweet, hesitant in a way that makes Kun’s heart ache. 

 

“Yes, pumpkin?” Kun answers, completely focused on Xuxi. The boy’s eyes widen a little, like he can’t believe Kun actually responded. He hugs his pillow tighter and glances up to meet Kun’s gaze.

 

“Can you read me a story, please?” Kun feels himself melt into a puddle, all warmth and  _ love _ for Xuxi. He nods and smiles, as big and happy as he can for his boy.

 

“Of course, baby.” 

  
  


Later on, after Xuxi’s finished his warm milk with honey and they’ve read  _ If You Give A Mouse A Cookie _ three times, Kun asks Xuxi why he can’t sleep. Xuxi, tucked under Kun’s arm and against his chest with milk still clinging to his lip, hums and nuzzles into Kun’s warmth. His eyes drowsily track up to meet Kun’s and he blinks slowly. 

 

After his stressful night, Xuxi had eased down quicker than Kun thought he would have. When Kun had come in with their favorite book and Xuxi’s milk, the boy had already been curled up under his comforter with his teddy bear snuggled close and his fingers in his mouth. Kun knows words must be hard for Xuxi, especially because he hasn’t slept much, so he waits patiently while Xuxi thinks on how to answer him. In the meanwhile, Kun strokes Xuxi’s hair and traces his pretty features with his fingers, grinning when Xuxi giggles and presses a sloppy kiss to his cheek. 

 

“I think I missed Daddy lots,” Xuxi yawns finally. His arms are heavy around Kun’s waist and he squeezes a little tighter. “Wanted...really wanted you, but didn’t wanna make a fuss. Sleeping’s hard when ‘m lonely. Baby’s sorry ‘gain, Daddy.” Kun hushes him and pulls him closer, kisses his baby boy’s forehead. He’s holding his entire world in his arms. 

 

“It’s never a bother, baby. You know I love you, right?” Kun rubs Xuxi’s back soothingly, smiling when he sees Xuxi nods sleepily. “Always come find Daddy when you want to see him, angel. Seeing his baby makes him just as happy as you, maybe even more.” Xuxi hums again and sucks on his teddy’s ear. He’ll have to ease the teddy bear from Xuxi’s grip later, but a little chewing is okay, especially after Xuxi’s long night. Kun glances at the window and sees the sun coming up, pale light peeking through his curtains. 

 

“Good night, little love,” Kun murmurs. “Daddy loves you very, very much.”

 

Xuxi’s reply is a little bit mumbled and slurred, but Kun understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twit : [ ♡ ](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


	2. ii. puppy plates and sippy cups - johnny x taeyong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> johnny and taeyong spend the day in.

“Baby, do you want the Paw Patrol or the Minnie Mouse?” Taeyong calls, reaching up and peeking into the cupboards. The counter in front of him is littered with bread crusts and stray crumbs, triangles of peanut butter and banana sandwiches stacked neatly on the cutting board. Johnny will eat almost anything, that’s not something that changes when he’s little, but he is incredibly sensitive about  _ how  _ he eats his food. He’ll refuse to even touch a plate if the food is all mixed together and he won’t eat until he has his special sippy cup filled with apple juice. 

 

“Paw ‘Trol, Momma!” Johnny’s voice carries all the way from the living room and Taeyong laughs at how loud his baby is. The quieter “Sorry, Momma. I mean, Paw ‘Trol,  _ please _ !” that follows makes Taeyong’s cheeks warm. He grabs the plate, sectioned off and decorated with prints of dogs all over, and arranges the sandwiches. He adds some carrot sticks and apple slices as an afterthought, figuring that Johnny could use some healthy snacks too. With Johnny’s lunch in one hand and his brand new sippy cup, also covered in puppies, in the other, Taeyong makes his way out of the kitchen. 

 

Johnny’s on his tummy, feet swinging in the air as he colors and  _ Calico Critters  _ plays on the television. He has his markers spread all around the carpet and he looks like he’s concentrating very hard on the new Sanrio coloring book that Taeyong had ordered for him. Taeyong juggles everything he’s holding to reach into his pocket and grab his phone. He needs at least twenty pictures of Johnny looking this adorable. Taeyong knows Johnny’s always cute, his perfect little boy, but he looks especially endearing right this moment, his brows furrowed and his lips pursed in a pout. 

 

“Ready to eat now, honey?” Taeyong asks, careful not to startle Johnny. The boy nods but doesn’t look up. Taeyong sighs and puts his things down on the coffee table. He kneels in front Johnny and watches him color for a few moments. It’s so rare that Johnny is little, Taeyong doesn’t mind putting off lunch for a while if Johnny wants to play instead. Eventually, Johnny makes a happy little squeal and caps his markers. He squirms into a sitting position so his legs are crossed and looks at Taeyong excitedly.

 

“Momma, I’m done!” Johnny sing-songs, reaching his arms out. Taeyong laughs and scoots over until he’s cradled in Johnny’s arms, leaning back against his chest. Johnny squeezes him super tight in a big hug and hooks his chin over Taeyong’s shoulder. He lays his coloring book out in front of them and points proudly. 

 

Taeyong looks at Hello Kitty and Tuxedo Sam hugging on the page, neatly colored in with only a few stray scribbles outside of the lines. Underneath the picture, written in slightly crooked handwriting is:  _ Momma and Baby Together!  _ _ ♡.  _ Taeyong’s heart melts and he twists around to face Johnny. His little boy is already smiling, so big that his eyes are scrunch up in happiness. Taeyong coos and squishes Johnny’s cheeks, he can’t resist the urge to just hold his baby so close. Johnny giggles and shakes his head until Taeyong lets go.

 

“Do y’ like it, ‘s it good? I worked super duper hard!” Johnny nuzzles closer and rests his head on Taeyong’s shoulder, looking up at him with adoring eyes. Taeyong hugs him harder and nods.

 

“I love it, sweetheart,” Taeyong promises, kissing Johnny’s nose. “You’re such a talented little boy, Momma’s little artist!” Johnny giggles again, he’s so bubbly when he’s little, and squeals that it tickles. Taeyong smiles and runs his fingers under Johnny’s chin to tickle the sensitive skin there, Johnny curling around him and laughing even louder.

 

Instead of starting a tickle fight, even though he knows Johnny would love that, he reaches over to the abandoned sandwiches and juice. Shifting into a more upright position on Johnny’s lap, Taeyong pushes a sandwich against Johnny’s mouth. He laughs when Johnny eats half of it in one bite, growling and pretending he’s a great big animal. They had been playing like they were in the jungle earlier and Johnny had loved it. 

 

“Yes, yes, I know my little lion is so hungry,” Taeyong teases. Johnny nods happily, still chewing as Taeyong brushes crumbs off his chin. Johnny whines quietly until Taeyong understands and picks up his sippy cup, helping Johnny drink. “Do you want me to feed you today, baby?” He nods again, shyly this time.

 

“Thank you, Momma.” Johnny grins at Taeyong, pressing a wet kiss to his cheek. “For takin’ care of me and lovin’ me so much.” Taeyong croons back a similar sentiment, returning Johnny’s kiss. His baby boy coos and hugs him again. 

 

They work through the rest of Johnny’s lunch and Taeyong cuddles with him until he dozes off, his head nestled in the crook of Taeyong’s neck and his hands curled into his soft shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the [picture](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/64/6d/74/646d74408674790a6e71f8f5cb177572.jpg) that johnny was coloring!
> 
>  
> 
> twit: [ ♡ ](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


	3. iii. not always sunshine - jaehyun x yuta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaehyun feels like there's been a thundercloud over his head for weeks, but luckily for him, yuta is in the habit of carrying an umbrella. alternatively: jaehyun's been having a rough time of it and yuta knows just how to handle upset little boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is how i imagine yuta's house: [(1)](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/82/d6/0a/82d60ac4e0e7b51096ca70ce96d56992.jpg) and [(2)](https://i-h1.pinimg.com/474x/6d/ad/2a/6dad2a62a9a1b6eed7f043fe0aea4301--winter-living-room-cozy-living-rooms.jpg)

Jaehyun hasn’t had the best day.

 

Well, Jaehyun hasn’t had the best past few days, so it’s probably more accurate to say that he hasn’t had a very good week. And maybe he hasn’t had a good week in a while, long enough that it’s hard to remember having restful sleep or feeling something other than bone-deep exhaustion, but Jaehyun figures that must be normal. He’s a student with a job that demands long hours, it’s not out of the ordinary to be stressed and overworked. At least, that’s what Jaehyun thought. Clearly, he may have been wrong considering that Yuta is staging an intervention for him.

 

Yuta’s living room has always been cozy, with its cream walls  and soft rugs and big sofas. The lamps are always dim and there’s usually quiet music playing in the background, something like an instrumental from a movie. Now, the room covered in blankets and cushions, not an inch of space isn’t covered by something soft or fuzzy. There are big throw pillows stacked high with blankets thrown over them to make cozy forts that look nice to nap in. Instead of candles, there’s little glass dishes full of oils that smell like comfort, like cinnamon sugar and vanilla, placed on the table and high on the shelves. The entire space is warm and welcoming, it makes Jaehyun’s head feel heavy.

 

“I really don’t see why I’m...here,” Jaehyun says awkwardly, fidgeting on his plush floor cushion. He absentmindedly fiddles with its tassels, twisting the loose fabric around his fingers. Yuta had invited him over to his house earlier that day and made it clear, through his own gentle cajoling, that he was expecting to see Jaehyun standing on his porch with an overnight bag by seven o’clock. 

 

It’s not that Jaehyun doesn’t want to see Yuta. In fact, he loves spending time with him and it’s all he’s wanted to do for the past few days. Yuta always has the warmest hugs and he doesn’t mind when Jaehyun clings onto him for longer than he should or when Jaehyun is too sleepy to do much more than cuddle and nap all day. Being around Yuta makes him happy and soft, smooths over his rough edges and soothes away any lingering aches from his day. 

 

That’s why Jaehyun’s been avoiding Yuta. Jaehyun knows that if he lets him coddle him and baby him, he’ll slip easily, into that softer headspace where he’s little and precious. Yuta’s already taken such good care of him and given him so much of his time, Jaehyun would hate to disappoint him. Nobody wants a little boy crying all over them and throwing tantrums. 

 

“Hm? Because I missed you, silly baby. I’ve hardly seen you this week.” Yuta reaches over Jaehyun to grab a few of the coloring books he likes to keep on the coffee table, setting them out on the rug in front of them. He dumps a whole box of markers next to their feet and turns back to Jaehyun, smiling widely. “Didn’t you miss me, sweetheart?” Jaehyun nods quietly and Yuta pecks his cheek. He rolls the markers closer to Jaehyun and nudges him. 

 

“How about we color for a little before dinner? I’m making your favorites, honey.” Yuta shifts until he’s lying on his tummy and opens the ocean-themed coloring book, the one Jaehyun likes best because he thinks all the animals and boats are pretty. He opens to a spread and starts to color, not noticing how Jaehyun doesn’t move to follow.

 

“My favorites?” Jaehyun asks. His head hurts a bit and he feels restless, not like he wants to color.

 

“Mhm,” Yuta hums. Jaehyun hasn’t moved to lie down or color yet, he’s still sitting stiffly in place. “We’re having homemade chicken noodle soup with Goldfish! And oatmeal for dessert, just how you like.” He glances up at Jaehyun, a confused frown on his face. “Are you feeling sick? You seem a little down, love.”

 

“...Those are for babies.” Jaehyun’s voice is stilted, his gaze unable to meet Yuta’s. “Not for me.”

 

Yuta’s eyes widen and his jaw drops a little, like he’s finally understood why Jaehyun’s been so off lately. He slides the coloring books away and sits up, scooting closer to Jaehyun. Jaehyun lets him come closer and closer, until Yuta has an arm around his shoulders and he’s tucked into the older man’s side. Jaehyun’s chest suddenly feels tight and his eyes are a bit achey. 

 

“Now, that’s not true,” Yuta says gently. He cups Jaehyun’s face and turns him so that he’s looking into his eyes. Yuta looks concerned and adoring all at once and it makes Jaehyun feel even smaller than he had before, especially with how Yuta’s hand is big enough to cradle his face. “You’re my little boy, Jaehyunnie. You’re allowed to have whatever makes you happy.”

 

Hearing Yuta call him his little boy so easily and being held in his strong arms, even after he had been so cold, is what breaks Jaehyun. He lets go of whatever pride he had and shifts to cling to Yuta, burying his face in his neck and squeezing him tightly. Yuta doesn’t flinch or try to pull away, he only holds Jaehyun just as tight, if not tighter, and murmurs soothing nonsense sounds into his ear. 

 

Jaehyun’s had a bad week and maybe a bad month, but today was especially exhausting. He woke up feeling like getting out of the bed was the last thing he wanted to do and then he was late to his first class. He’d forgotten his laptop and had to beg one of his classmates to send him the notes, which made him feel so embarrassed. As if his day couldn’t get any worse, Jaehyun missed the bus he usually took to work and had to call his manager to tell him that he would be late. He tells as much to Yuta, sniffling quietly. Yuta coos sympathetically and comforts him as best as he can with gentle touches and the steady warmth that comes with cuddling.

 

“Papa,” Jaehyun whimpers, cuddling close to Yuta. Tears are trailing down his face now, no matter how he tries to breathe deeply and will them to stop. Yuta hushes him gently and runs a warm hand up and down Jaehyun’s back, trying to soothe him. “P-Papa, I’m sorry...Didn’t wanna be sad ‘nd little, didn’t wanna be bad.”

 

“Oh, baby.” Yuta holds Jaehyun even tighter and rocks him from side to side, slowly enough to calm Jaehyun. “You’re not bad, not at all, sweetheart. You don’t have to pretend when you’re with me, that’s why I’m your Papa, baby.” Jaehyun raises his head and leans back to rub at his swollen eyes. His cheeks are pink and tear-stained from crying and he melts a little more when Yuta coos, patting the tears away with his sleeve. 

 

“Papa’s always so good to me,” Jaehyun sniffles. “I wanted to be sweet and good for Papa, like he is to me, but I’ve been feeling yucky and I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry.” Yuta hushes him again, more firmly this time. 

 

“No more apologies, Jaehyunnie.” Yuta cradles his face in both hands, thumbing away stray tears. He grins when Jaehyun leans into his touch and leans in to nuzzle his nose against his. “You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart, I promise.” Jaehyun nods, slowly but while looking Yuta in the eyes.

 

Yuta settles Jaehyun down in a small nest of pillows after clearing away the rest of the coloring things. Jaehyun curls around a soft blanket and hums contentedly when Yuta tucks them both under a plush blanket. He’s cried so much that he’s tired now, but not in a bad way. Instead of feeling exhausted and worn out, Jaehyun finds his mind blissfully blank of anything other than thoughts of Yuta and how nice it is to be held by him. Once they’re bundled up and comfortable, Yuta laces his fingers together with Jaehyun’s under the blankets.

 

“Whenever you’re with Papa, you don’t have to hide anything.” Yuta’s words sound like a promise. He continues before Jaehyun can speak. “I’m here for rain and shine, sweetheart, happy and sad. I’m never going to be disappointed in you for feeling down. I know my little boy is big and strong, but he can always, always, come to me and tell me anything.” Yuta brushes Jaehyun’s bangs away from his forehead and presses a soft kiss there. “Do you understand that, baby?”

 

“Yes, Papa,” Jaehyun murmurs, his words slurring a bit as he fights to keep his eyes open. He clumsily kisses Yuta’s shoulder, the closest spot he can reach when he’s tucked against his chest. “I love you, Papa, lots and lots…” Yuta laughs quietly and squeezes Jaehyun’s hand. 

 

“I love you too, baby. I think my little boy needs a nap, huh?” Yuta teases. Jaehyun is too sleepy to respond properly, so he mumbles something he hopes sounds like agreement. Yuta laughs again, endeared by his boy, and kisses his cheek.

 

“Rest, sweetheart,” Yuta murmurs, shifting to stand up. He tucks a pillow against Jaehyun’s front so that it feels like he’s cuddling something. “I’ll wake you up once dinner is finished and then we can play later on while we watch some cartoons.”

 

Jaehyun’s nearly asleep by then, but he smiles and snuggles deeper into the blankets. He’s safe and warm and happy. His Papa’s got him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact ! yuta has little dishes of scented oils because no matter how much of a big boy jaehyun insists he is, he's still pretty clumsy. there hasn't been any accidents, but yuta likes to err on the side of caution so there are no candles when jaehyun's little. yuta's actually spent a lot of time making sure his house is safe for his little boy so ! all dangerous things like scissors, weights, etc are stored in drawers or on high cupboards that jaehyun can't reach !
> 
> twit: [ ♡ ](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


	4. iv. too much love to hold - taeyong x taeil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyong spoils taeil for the day and teaches him that little boys can take care of people too.

Taeil loves to spoil Taeyong and that’s not a secret.

 

Whether Taeyong is big or little, Taeil’s soft spot for him is obvious. He’s always ready to treat Taeyong to lunch or to go shopping with him, so he can pick out a few special pieces for him. No matter how much Taeyong insists that he’s fully capable of paying for himself, Taeil is there, smiling and holding out his card. He’s even more coddling when Taeyong is little. He wants to get Taeyong the nicest toys or take him to the best amusement parks to play. He dresses Taeyong up in the cutest outfits a little boy could have and gets him all the pacifier and stuffies he could want. It’s natural for Taeil to smother Taeyong a little, to nurture and dote on him so lovingly, it’s almost like Taeil doesn’t know what to do with all the affection he has for him.

 

Taeil is used to being the one spoiling Taeyong, he loves it, even, which is why it’s a bit of a surprise that he’s been pampered the entire day.

 

“Do y’ want anything else, Daddy?” Taeyong coos from where he’s perched on Taeil’s lower back. His small hands have been gently kneading Taeil’s back for the past thirty minutes, massaging away the hard knots of muscle. “Just tell me and I’ll get it right away!”

 

“I’m okay, baby doll, thank you.” Taeil sighs contentedly and shifts underneath the boy. “You sure you’re comfortable, Yongie? Daddy doesn’t want you to tire yourself out, baby.” Taeyong shakes his head happily and leans down to hug Taeil tightly.

 

“Uh-huh!” he chirps. Taeyong squeezes Taeil, as if to show off just how strong he really is. Taeil can’t help but grin at his baby’s silliness. “Daddy doesn’t have to worry ‘bout anything today, just let me take care of you!” And, oh, everything makes much more sense now.

 

Taeil’s heart melts and he feels terribly endeared to the little boy who’s cuddling him like he’s one of his teddy bears. Taeyong has set today aside to spoil Taeil and pamper him silly, just like how he does for him. He'd woken Taeil up with breakfast in bed and clung to him all day, making sure Taeil hardly had to get up for anything. Taeyong's always the most darling little boy, but he wanted to show Taeil how treasured he is. That’s why he’s been so sweet on Taeil, so attentive and doting. He doesn’t have to, of course. Taeil doesn’t expect anything in return from Taeyong, but he certainly doesn’t mind the pampering. His little boy is such a sweetheart and Taeil feels warmth flood his entire being, so full of love for Taeyong.

 

“Baby, let me roll over. I wanna see you, honey.” Taeyong leans back on his knees and clings on as soon as Taeil is flat on his back. He squishes Taeil’s cheeks and gives him a big kiss, giggling when Taeil’s hands tickle his sides lightly. Taeil kisses Taeyong’s cheek with a loud _smack!_ to make Taeyong smile and laugh. He only tickles the boy for a little while longer before they both settle down, holding each other close and finding comfort in all the spots they’re pressed against each other.  

 

“What did y’ wanna say, Daddy?” Taeyong lets go of his face and cuddles up to him, tucking his head under his chin and resting against his chest. “Is something wrong? I can fix it!” Taeil squeezes him tightly and hums, rubbing small circles on Taeyong’s back.

 

“Nothing’s wrong, baby,” Taeil sighs. He’s so happy, with Taeyong soft and small in his arms, giggling and pressing little kisses to Taeil’s chest. “I’m just so thankful I have such a sweet little boy.” Taeyong squirms until he can hold Taeil better. His little hands come up to clumsily pat Taeil’s hair, much like how he pets Taeyong’s head sometimes.

 

“Baby’s only this sweet ‘cause he has such a good daddy. You’re the bestest ever, Daddy, super nice and smart and perfect,” Taeyong’s voice is sweet and high, a little muffled as he nuzzles against Taeil’s shirt and buries his face in it. “You treat me so well, I wanna show you how much I love you!”

 

“You know that I know you love me, sweetie,” Taeil murmurs, smoothing Taeyong’s hair away from his forehead so he can see his baby’s pretty eyes. “You remind me of that every time you let me take care of you and spoil you rotten, even though I know I’m smothering sometimes. I don’t need special things to know.” Taeyong nods, a small pout on his lips.

 

“I know you don’t _need_ special things, just like how I don’t _need_ new toys and treats all the time.” Taeyong huffs. Taeil chuckles quietly, feeling his cheeks warm at being called out. Taeyong settles back down and snuggles closer. “But you do all of that ‘cause it makes me happy, right? Baby wants to make Daddy happy too! So just let me spoil you, silly Daddy!”

 

Taeil laughs and nods, feeling warm and giddy inside. He’s really not sure what he did to deserve such a loving little treasure, but he’s grateful. 

 

So, so grateful.  

 

 

ʕ •㉨• ʔ ━☆⌒*

 

 

Later on, after they’ve both gotten ready for bed and dressed up in their pajamas, they cuddle on the sofa to watch _Totoro_ together. Taeil’s stretched out on the sofa with Taeyong curled up on top of him, a comforting weight that makes Taeil feel steady. He absentmindedly presses a kiss to Taeyong’s hair, slowly rubbing his back like he’s trying to soothe him to sleep.

 

Taeyong had tried to help Taeil get undressed and bundled up in his matching pajamas, but he’d been too little to put his own clothes on by himself, so Taeil had to sit him down and tell him that taking care of him makes Taeil happier than anything. He had thanked his baby for being so sweet and attentive, and reminded him that Daddies love taking care of their babies too, so would he please let Taeil dress him up for bedtime. Taeyong had nodded excitedly and smiled so prettily at that, blushing a shy pink while Taeil fussed over his buttons and asked if he wanted to wear a onesie or some of his lounge clothes.

 

Taeyong had chosen the onesie, but only because it’s cold! And he still gets to cuddle up to Taeil, so it’s okay that he’s not wearing his Daddy’s clothes to sleep. At least, that’s what Taeyong had told a pouting Taeil, giggling at how cute his Daddy is.

 

“Baby,” Taeil whispers. He gently pats Taeyong’s bottom, nudging him awake. “Are you awake, lovebug?” Taeyong nods his head sleepily, sucking on the neck of Taeil’s shirt.

 

“Daddy thinks it’s time for bed now, baby.” He tugs his shirt away from Taeyong and shushes him gently when he whines. “I’ll give you your binkie once we’re tucked in, sweetheart, I don’t want it to fall.”

 

“Bedtime now?” Taeyong slurs, half-asleep and cozy in his Daddy’s arms. Taeil laughs quietly and nods, already tucking his hands under Taeyong’s arms so he can pick him up. “‘Mkay...Carry me, Daddy.”

 

Taeyong clings tighter to Taeil and wraps his legs around his middle so it’s easier to support him. Taeil cradles Taeyong’s neck and wraps an arm under his knees, holding him close and letting him sleepily snuffle against his neck.

 

“Of course, little prince,” Taeil coos, kissing Taeyong’s shoulder. His little boy has already dozed off again, his breathing slow and deep.

 

Taeil carries his baby boy to bed and tucks him in, wishing him the sweetest dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taeyong's favorite ghibli movie is castle in the sky and taeil's is spirited away! totoro is a film that they both like !
> 
> twit: [ ♡ ](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


	5. v. a brief intermission - sicheng

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sicheng learns that there is only so much that little boys can do on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: sicheng is not in a very good place in this chapter and that is also apparent in his littlespace. this chapter has angst without resolution.

Sicheng sighs and rolls over, tucking his blanket tighter around him. He hugs his stuffed puppy close to his chest and nuzzles his face against its soft fur, cooing quietly to himself. He makes nonsense sounds, like humming and babbling, to fill the silence. Sicheng sucks on his pacifier, lazily fidgeting with the jeweled handle. The rubber toy bobs in and out of his mouth, but the repetitive motion does nothing to lull him to sleep.

 

Sicheng has been frustrated all day, caught between wanting to slip into his softer headspace to be a little boy and stubbornly fighting himself, refusing to let go of the control he’s desperately clinging to without knowing why. He doesn’t know why he’s having such a difficult time today. Sure, he’d been stressed out of his mind all week because of deadlines and work, but that’s normal. He couldn’t quite remember the last time he had taken a shower or done his laundry, but he was managing. Not sleeping enough and only eating when he remembers to, which isn’t very often, is common enough behavior for one of his bad weeks.

 

That kind of spiralling might be normal for him, but Sicheng knows that it’s not good. He’d let himself go during the week, but even he could realize that it’s time to pull himself out of his slump. Since powering through the stress didn’t work as well as he would’ve liked, Sicheng decided to try relaxing for once. Maybe if he pushed himself to slip into his pretty role, where he doesn’t have to worry about anything besides being the cutest little boy and playing with his toys, some of the tension would lift from his chest and he wouldn’t feel quite as wound up anymore.

 

With a solid plan in mind, he’d taken out all of his pretty things as soon as he’d gotten home from lecture, digging that special box out of his closet and pawing through his drawer until he found his favorite pajamas, a soft blue sweater with matching sweatpants. He’d dressed himself up and tucked himself in, cuddled up with his soft toys. Showering and cooking could wait until later. At this point, halfway into headspace and certainly not a big boy anymore, he was more concerned with watching his favorite cartoons on his laptop and finding a way to keep his pacifier in his mouth without it falling.

 

Sicheng is happy. Well and truly happy, warm and content and _little_.

 

It doesn’t last, but he isn’t surprised.

 

Soon enough, Sicheng feels that comfortable, cozy headspace slipping away from him, leaving him cold and empty. Unable to help it, he clutches his stuffed puppy to his chest, burying his face in it like he might be able to hide from this. He doesn’t want to be big, doesn’t want to have to deal with the fact that he is alone in his small room with no one to hold him as he shakes apart. A little boy, sweet and soft and precious, that’s what he is. At least, that’s what he thought.

 

In the back of his mind, Sicheng can’t help but think that real little boys are held in strong, warm arms while their tears are gently wiped away. Real little boys don’t sob into their blankets and curl up with a pillow against their back so it feels like they’re being cuddled, pacifiers tumbling to the ground, making them cry all over again. Real little boys are not lonely and sad, not like Sicheng. Never like Sicheng. Good, real little boys are perfect; they are loved and _cherished_.

 

Sicheng knows he won’t get a response, he _knows_ , but that doesn’t ease the yearning in his heart as he hesitantly calls out.

 

“Daddy…” Sicheng sniffles, tugging his blankets over his head, like he’ll be able to hide from the bad feelings threatening to flood the warmth and contentment that once filled his chest. He curls around his puppy, shakily petting it to try and ground himself. He whimpers and clumsily rolls onto his tummy, hiding his tears for his own pride’s sake. “Daddy, I’m sad! Please...please come fix Baby. Please, Daddy.”

 

He is met with silence, which was to be expected. Sicheng does not expect to hear a warm voice, does not expect to feel a firm hand soothing away the hurt that feels like it might tear him up inside.

 

Sicheng does not expect anyone to come to take care of him and no one does.

 

**__**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it'll get better !! i promise !
> 
> twit: [ ♡ ](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


	6. vi. a little push - mark x taeil (ft. kun + xuxi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark isn't having a bad day! no, not at all. he just...doesn't feel quite right, that's all. maybe xuxi and his papa can help mark find what he's missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to dani for being such a big help ♡

Mark had woken up feeling...different. Not bad or anxious, he’s familiar enough with those emotions that he’s thankful he’s not experiencing them right now. There’s no pit in his stomach or dread crawling up his throat. No, he just feels a bit unsteady. 

 

The uncertainty makes him slower and quieter, not nearly as excited as he usually he is. He rolls out of bed and drags himself into the kitchen. Only, he isn’t very hungry so he just quietly watches Xuxi, clearly already little and sweet, clumsily try to spoon oatmeal into his own mouth. Mark knows that he isn’t the best company right then, but Xuxi, the sweetheart that he is, tries to play with him nevertheless. 

 

“Xuxi share?” Xuxi offers kindly, holding his spoon out to Mark. “It’s yummy!” Mark shakes his head, instantly regretting it when he sees how the light in Xuxi’s eyes dims. Just as he’s about to apologize, Xuxi stands with his bowl, only stumbling a little. He putters over to Mark’s chair and unceremoniously plops himself into Mark’s lap. 

 

“Xuxi!” Mark exclaims, his hands instinctively coming up to clutch Xuxi’s waist to steady the little boy. “Baby, you have to be careful.” Xuxi nods, but it’s obvious that Mark’s light scolding has the same effect as water rolling off a duck’s back. He wiggles around until he’s seated sideways on Mark’s lap. He scoops a bit of oatmeal into his spoon and very carefully holds it up to Mark’s mouth. Xuxi’s big hand, warm and soft, gently cups Mark’s chin to prevent any spillage. 

 

“Please?” Xuxi asks again. “Xuxi already had lots, but Minhyungie is hungry, right? Minhyungie eats now!” And Mark can’t say no to Xuxi’s sweetness, all wrapped up in big eyes and a soft pout. He sighs and opens his mouth obligingly. Xuxi cheers and feeds him, making quiet airplane sounds as he guides the spoon in. 

 

“Thank you, baby.” Xuxi hums happily and keeps feeding Mark, just as careful and gentle each time. Mark holds Xuxi tighter, finding comfort in the other boy’s firm weight and warmth. He doesn’t feel so unsteady now that he’s got someone to hold. It feels so nice that Xuxi’s paying so much attention to him, too. There’s something about having the little’s love completely focused on him that makes Mark so warm and happy, like he might float away because he’s filled with so many fluttery feelings. The thought makes him giggle.

 

“What’s so funny?” Xuxi giggles back. He’d put the bowl down without Mark noticing and now he’s cradling Mark’s head to his chest, clumsily running his hands through Mark’s blond strands. Mark just shakes his head and giggles again, burying his face in Xuxi’s chest. “Minhyungie’s so silly, it’s cute!” Xuxi teases gently. Mark hums, content to hold Xuxi and bask in the warmth. Their quiet cuddling session doesn’t last for long, though. Mark hears footsteps come near them and he clings closer to Xuxi, hiding his face. 

 

“Xuxi? The others are looking for you, baby.” Kun’s smooth voice seems to be just above them. Mark feels a small hand settle on his back, slowly rubbing up and down. “Mark? You doing okay?” Mark whimpers and focuses on the steady beating of Xuxi’s heart. He’s not scared of Kun, of course he isn’t, but he feels a bit icky inside now. He’d been cuddling with Xuxi and it was so warm and quiet, just the two of them. Kun’s appearance had been a surprise that Mark isn’t sure is unwelcome or not. 

 

“ _ Minhyungie isn’t feeling good, Papa _ .” Xuxi’s switch to Mandarin makes Mark curious, especially because he heard his name. The thought drifts away quickly, though, once Mark is distracted by Kun’s hand rubbing soothing circles. The easy affection makes the tightness in Mark’s chest ease and he figures that Kun’s surprise visit is very much appreciated now. 

 

“ _ I fed him my treat and he got happier, but only a little _ ,” Xuxi notes sadly. Kun hums and pets Xuxi’s hair. “ _ You did so good, baby. I’ll call the little boy’s Daddy, but he can play with you and the boys for now, right _ ?”  Xuxi nods. “ _ Of course _ !”

 

Xuxi clumsily gets out of Mark’s lap and plops a quick kiss on the top of his head. Mark blinks up at him and the other boy giggles. “See you soon, baby! We’ll be waiting!” He putters off into the living room and Mark is left with Kun. 

 

“Minhyungie, baby.” Kun’s voice is soothing as his small hands slide under Mark’s arms and lift him up. Mark whimpers quietly, squirming in his arms. “Let Bàba hold you, silly. Little boys like you need lots of hugs.’’ Kun hushes him gently, hiking Mark’s legs up his waist. 

 

“Like me?” Mark sniffles. He’s not crying but he feels like he wants to. All of a sudden, everything is very overwhelming for Mark. Everything is too big and scary for little boys like him. Kun hums. 

 

“Like you. Little boys who miss their daddies need lots of hugs.” Kun tucks Mark’s head into the crook of his neck. His next words are in the softest tone that Mark’s ever heard, Kun’s–No,  _ Bàba’s _ –special talent. “You miss Daddy, huh? Don’t worry, Bao Bao. I’ve already called Taeil. Bàba will take care of everything, don’t worry, Minhyungie.”

 

Kun’s always been so good at calming upset littles, at easing them down into a softer headspace where they’re not nearly as fussy or frustrated as they’d been before. His whole presence is comforting, reliable and steady. It’s like he always knows what to do or the right thing to say and if he doesn’t, well, then he’ll always have warm hugs and a treat waiting. Mark trusts Kun with all of himself, which is why he has no problem in clinging as close as he can and sobbing. 

 

“I miss Daddy!” Mark wails, clutching Kun’s shirt in his little hands. His tears soak Kun’s shirt, which would make Mark feel bad if he was big enough to know. “Fuh-felt icky and didn’t-didn’t know I needed him, but...always need Daddy!” Kun starts rubbing his back again, swaying in place to try and soothe Mark. Eventually, his loud wails quiet into hiccuping sobs.

 

“I know, I know. He’ll be here soon, sweetheart.” Mark really appreciates that Kun’s trying to comfort him, but his kind words can’t stop Mark’s tears. He feels like Daddy’s hugs and kisses are the only things that can make him feel better, not even his teddy bear anymore. 

 

“Minhyungie is so  _ sad _ ,” Mark sniffles. He buries his face even further in Kun’s neck, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Kun coos sympathetically. “He really, really wan’ see Daddy.  _ Please _ .”

 

“How can you see me if your eyes are closed, sweetie?” Mark’s eyes fly open and he straightens up fast enough that Kun has to tighten his grip to keep Mark from tipping over. Right in front of Mark, leaning against the doorframe and watching him and Kun with a fond smile on his face, is his Daddy!

 

“Dada!” Mark squeals, reaching his arms out as far as he can. Taeil smiles happily and moves forward to collect his little boy, easily settling him on his hip. Mark giggles. “Eyes not closed no more, Dada, eyes wide open!” Mark makes the funniest face he can think of and blushes sweetly when Taeil immediately copies it, his silly Daddy. 

 

“And what pretty eyes they are! I missed you too, Minhyungie.” Taeil presses a soft kiss to Mark’s forehead, glancing over at Kun. Taeil pulls back and gently nudges Mark’s face with his own until the little boy turns to face Kun. 

 

“What do you say to Bàba for taking care of you while Daddy was on his way?” Taeil prompts gently. Mark grins as big as he can and blows a kiss to Kun. “Thank y’, Bàba! Minhyungie thinks you’re a really, really, really good Daddy too!” Kun chuckles and ruffles his hair, kissing his temple. 

 

“It was no problem at all,” Kun promises. He catches Taeil’s gaze with an impish smile. “Although...I did promise my babies a playdate with little Minhyungie here.” Mark gasps, swiveling his head to fix Taeil with a small pout. 

 

“Dada, Dada, can we  _ please _ stay for a while longer?” Mark cuddles close to Taeil and flutters his eyelashes against his Daddy’s cheek in a butterfly kiss. “Wan’ to play with Xuxi and the babies!” Taeil nods easily, squeezing Mark in a hug. Kun quietly slips into the living room, giving the two of them privacy. 

 

“Of course, sweetie!” Taeil leans in closer and presses his forehead to Mark’s. “We can have our big boy talk later, okay, baby? You can just be little and have fun now,” Taeil murmurs, nuzzling Mark’s nose with his own. Mark pulls back and looks at Taeil gratefully, meaningfully, before humming in agreement. 

 

“Minhyungie loves Dada lots,” Mark says shyly, a pretty blush colored across his cheeks. Taeil smiles, so happy to be holding his little boy safe and sound in his arms. 

 

“I love you even more, Minhyungie,” Taeil promises sweetly. He kisses Mark’s cheek as he moves toward the living room, where loud cheering and whimsical music can be heard. Mark hears Xuxi singing along to the  _ Doc McStuffins  _ theme song with Kun and he feels excitement blossom in his tummy, nice and warm. 

 

“Now, let’s play!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [here's ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PopMSJFa0og)the docmcstuffins theme song! it's minhyungie's and xuxi's favorite little show because they love watching the stuffed animals go on adventures. and the image of xuxi excitedly singing along is just too cute to resist (‘∀’●)♡
> 
> twit: [ ♡ ](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


	7. vii. sweet love of mine - taeil x johnny x kun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeil is sure that he's too big to be little; johnny and kun show him otherwise

Taeil is not completely sure what is going on. 

 

His roommate–lovely, sweet, _sneaky_ Sicheng–had left for vacation a few hours earlier. Of course, that was only after he’d fussed over Taeil for an entire week, fretting over leaving the older man on his own for a month without anyone else in the apartment. It’d endeared Taeil to Sicheng terribly and had made him love the boy even more, but he’s a grown man, not a child that needs looking after. Taeil put his foot down the night before Sicheng’s flight.

 

“I know you can take care of yourself,” Sicheng had insisted. He’d lured Taeil into listening to his heartfelt talk with the promise of ice cream and cuddles. He forlornly spooned into his sundae. “I know you’re fully capable, Hyung. I just don’t want you to be alone for so long.” Taeil cooed, ruffling the other’s dark hair. 

 

“I’ll be just fine, Sicheng,” Taeil reassured him, swiping a stray streak of whipped cream from Sicheng’s lips. “Don’t worry about Hyung and just have fun, okay? You’re too sweet sometimes.”

 

“I’m not _worried_ .” At Taeil’s frank expression of disbelief, Sicheng had sighed. “I’m a _little_ worried, I guess. It’s just...you’ll be on your own for a whole month, Hyung.” Sicheng worried his bottom lip between his teeth before seemingly making up his mind. “I know that you like to destress by doing _that_ and it’s not-it’s not good for you to be by yourself when you do.” 

 

Taeil sighed. He should’ve figured that this is what Sicheng would be caught up on. His methods of stress relief tended to be a bit...different from most, but that isn’t much cause for concern. And besides, for all intents and purposes, Taeil _is_ a twenty-five year old man. He reminded Sicheng of such. 

 

Sicheng pouted, obviously frustrated, and set his ice cream aside, next to Taeil’s already empty bowl. He turned to hold Taeil’s hands in his own, earnestness written across his features.

 

“I don’t want you to be-to be _little_ by yourself, Hyung,” Sicheng said quietly. A dull ache spread through Taeil’s chest and he oddly felt like crying. “I know you can handle it on your own, you had for years, but it’s not good.” Sicheng shook his head slowly, clutching Taeil’s hands. “It’s not good for little boys to be all by themselves, Hyung. Especially little boys with a penchant for loneliness.”

 

Taeil laughed and patted Sicheng’s cheek fondly. He knows that Sicheng had meant well, but the younger man’s words opened a pit in Taeil’s stomach. He had been ignoring the fact that he probably wouldn’t fare well on his own and was doing a pretty good job of it, too. He didn’t want to worry Sicheng any more than he was already by moping around the house and clinging to him. Truthfully, Taeil was not eager to be on his own for so long, but he would never tell Sicheng that. He’s already enough of a burden on his friend.

 

He pushed down that dull ache that threatened to bring tears to his eyes and smiled as brightly as he could. 

 

“Ah, don’t worry about me, Sichengie,” Taeil repeated. “I’ll be just fine and wait for you to come back, okay? Have fun!” 

 

Sicheng had told Taeil he understood and that he’d call him every night, so Taeil cannot _fathom_ why Johnny and Kun are sitting on his couch, each holding a bulky duffle bag on their lap while he works himself into a fit, folded into his favorite recliner.

 

“Excuse me?” Taeil might as well be a broken record from how frequently he’s asked for clarification in the past half hour. “What do you _mean_ you’re staying here?” 

 

Johnny smiles sheepishly while Kun sets their bags on the floor. Taeil dimly registers that he’s settling down because he intends to stay. Johnny clears his throat and draws Taeil’s attention back to him. 

 

“Sicheng had called us a few days ago and said that he was worried about you being alone in the house for a month. He asked us if we could come stay with you,” Johnny explains. Kun nods. “Which makes sense because, like, security reasons. What if someone tried to break in when you’re asleep, right?” Kun nods again, more empathetically this time. 

 

“But you’re an even heavier sleeper than I am!” Taeil’s protest is easily dismissed by a flippant wave of Johnny’s hand. 

 

“Well, strength in numbers and all that. In any case, if you’re really not okay with this, we can leave.” Johnny leans closer and takes one of Taeil’s small hands in his own larger one. Taeil swallows as Johnny’s hand covers his completely, enveloping him in warmth. 

 

“But we really would like to stay with you, Hyung,” Johnny says gently, sweeping his thumb back and forth across Taeil’s knuckles. “So if you’re worried about inconveniencing us, don’t be. Please.” Kun slides off the couch and settles on the arm of Taeil’s chair. Taeil watches him in confusion, wondering why the man wanted to be so close. 

 

“Taeil.” Kun’s small hands reach out and cradle his face, squishing his cheeks together just slightly. Taeil stares at him with wide eyes. Kun’s otherwise usually neutral expression breaks out into a soft smile, warmth flooding his honey eyes. 

 

“Taeil,” Kun repeats, gentler this time. Taeil notices that his hands are very warm. “You’re one of our best friends, you dummy. We’d want to come over and stay with you even if Sicheng was still here. In fact, we keep trying to have a sleepover, but someone,” Kun glances over  tellingly at Johnny, who shrugs with an innocent smile. “Keeps picking up extra hours at work, so we haven’t had time to schedule anything yet.

 

“We love spending time with you, Hyung. Actually, _I’m_ sorry because it seems like we’ve been neglecting you a bit, which is exactly what we were trying to avoid. We wanted to keep this a secret, because your birthday is coming up so soon, but _we_ actually asked Sicheng if he’d mind us taking over his room while he’s away. Johnny and I haven’t been hanging out with you guys as often because we’ve both been working more. It’s, well, it’s been our plan for months to take you out to that new amusement park that opened earlier this year, the one with those Sanrio characters you love. Staying with you while Sicheng is gone just makes everything more fun! It took a while, which is what we expected, but now everything’s ready for you. We can treat you for your big day, Taeil!”

 

Taeil stares, stunned. He’s still processing Kun’s words, but he at least understands that they...they wanted to stay with him? They’ve been wanting to see him but were busy because...because of his present? He’s not some dumb, little baby that they’re pitying, not at all. He’s their best friend! Kun even said so and Johnny nodded along, so it must be true. Taeil tries to speak but his voice gets caught in his throat.

 

“For me?” Taeil’s voice comes out smaller than he’d like, but Johnny and Kun must hear him all the same, based on their bright smiles. “You-You got me a present and want to stay with me? Not just ‘cause of Sichengie?” Johnny sighs fondly and pats Taeil’s hands. 

 

“Of course we got you a present, Hyung. And we would much rather stay with you than have you be here all alone.” Taeil smiles, the corners of his lips shyly stretching to show his teeth. 

 

“Since it’s a sleepover...then how about we have a movie night!” 

 

Johnny and Kun smile at him and warmth blooms in Taeil’s chest, unfurling hopefully.

 

☆☆☆

 

Only after insisting that Taeil gives each of them a hug goodnight (“You give the best ones, come on, Hyung!” Johnny had pouted,) do Johnny and Kun retreat to Sicheng’s room. Taeil putters down the hall and, after a quick peek around the corner, rushes into his own room. Flopping down on his bed and curling around his unicorn pillow pet, he pulls his phone out of his pocket. Taeil taps on his phone until Sicheng’s contact comes up and presses the phone icon under his roommate’s name. 

 

“ _Hello_ ?” Sicheng’s voice filters through Taeil’s speakers. Taeil can practically hear the way Sicheng must be frowning. “ _Hyungie? Johnny and Kun are there now, right? Listen, I’m really sorry that I-”_ Taeil is quick to cut him off. 

 

“No!” Taeil whispers into his phone, not wanting to be loud enough that Johnny and Kun can hear him. The walls are thin. “I’m not mad, Sichengie, promise.” Taeil hesitates and takes a quick breath. He’d been feeling that tug in his head all day and now that he’s just with Sicheng, he can finally let go. “Um, Tae- Taeilie is very happy.” 

 

There’s a brief pause on the other line, just long enough that Taeil knows Sicheng is registering what he just said and what it means. 

 

“ _Oh? Is the little boy so happy to have his friends with him_?” Sicheng’s voice has dipped into a croon and it sends bursts of warmth flooding through Taeil’s body. The fuzzy feeling settles in his tummy and it makes him curl up even smaller. He nods shyly before remembering that Sicheng can’t see him.

 

“Mhm, super duper happy!” Taeil coos, burying his face in his soft toy. The unicorn’s fur tickles his cheeks and he giggles, nuzzling closer to the toy. He feels very small and warm, all bundled up in his blankets. “And, and! Johnny ‘nd Kun got Taeilie a present! A trip to the amusene-amusent-” Taeil frowns, stumbling over the big word. It’s on the very tip of his tongue, but he can’t quite sound it out. 

 

“ _The amusement park_ ?” Sicheng finishes for him, sounding very fond. Taeil hums in agreement, cooing happily. “ _That’s so fun, baby! It’s the new one with Hello Kitty and My Melody, right? Make sure to take lots of pictures for me!”_

 

“Taeilie loves Hello Kitty!” Taeil tells Sicheng, reaching over to grab the plush from the other side of his bed. The small kitty smiles up at him and he smiles back, patting its ears gently. “Wish Chengie could go too…” Sicheng makes a sympathetic sound, trying to comfort Taeil. 

 

“ _We can go together when I get back,_ ” Sicheng promises earnestly. “ _Isn’t it nice that you get to go with Johnny and Kun, baby? I bet you’ll have the best day ever!”_  

 

Taeil fiddles with Hello Kitty’s bow, rubbing it between his thumb and pointer fingers.  A stray thought crosses his mind and Taeil pouts, mood slowly dropping. He loves that Johnny and Kun are taking him and loves the fact they wanted to stay with him even more, but he’d been too blindsided by the suddenness of everything to fully take in the situation.

 

“Mhm,” he says quietly. “Taeilie ‘s really happy that they’re stayin’ here but what if...what if-” Taeil’s voice breaks and he has to pause to sniffle. Tears well up in his eyes and he blinks them back, not wanting to cry while he’s talking to Sicheng. The last thing he wants to do is to make his friend worry about him. “What if they see me when ‘m little, Chengie? They’re gon’ hate me!” Sicheng tsks quietly. 

 

“ _Johnny and Kun could never hate you, silly! And if they see you when you’re little, then...maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as you think, baby._ ” Taeil tries to talk but Sicheng continues. “ _You’re really the best little boy ever, Taeilie. Everything you do is so cute! Johnny and Kun have always seemed very...doting towards you. Maybe they’d even_ love _seeing you little like this!_ ” 

 

Even though he knows that Sicheng can’t see him, Taeil shakes his head frantically. He puts Hello Kitty off to the side and clutches his unicorn to his chest, trying to take deep breaths like Sicheng always reminds him to. 

 

“N-Nuh uh,” Taeil whimpers, feeling his face growing hotter as he gets more upset. He has an awful habit of working himself into a fit very quickly and he wishes he was better at soothing himself. “Taeilie ‘s too clingy and needy and-and they won’t like him no more!” 

 

Taeil will never tell Sicheng, no matter how close they are, that he thinks of Johnny and Kun as his Daddy and Mommy sometimes. He never acts on it, of course, and tries to pretend that he’d never had those thoughts about his friends. But when Taeil is _very_ small, just a lonely little boy with many dreams, he likes to imagine that they like to take care of him. He imagines being able to wake up every morning to Kun walking into his room, telling him that Mommy will help him get ready for the day. He wants nothing more than to sit on Johnny’s lap and be rocked as he’s soothed, safe and sound in his Daddy’s arms. He whimpers when he remembers that those thoughts are nothing but fantasies.

 

“ _Shh, I’m sorry, baby. Don’t cry,_ ” Sicheng comforts him quietly. “ _I really don’t think they’d ever hate you, Taeilie, but if you don’t want to tell them, that’s okay. It can just be Baby and Chengie, okay?_ ” Taeil sniffles and mumbles a reply. His eyes ache and his tummy hurts; Taeil doesn’t feel very good anymore. 

 

“Baby’s gonna sleep now,” Taeil mumbles. He holds his unicorn tighter, but even that doesn’t help the icky feeling go away. He swallows down another whimper and rubs the tears from his eyes. “Night night, Sichengie.” He hears the other man sigh and feels a pang of hurt in his chest. He’s disappointed Sicheng.

 

“ _Good night, baby. Make sure to use your binkie tonight, okay? It’ll help you sleep, I promise.”_  

 

Taeil hangs up and throws his phone somewhere in his sheets. He buries his face in his pillow pet and sighs. He looks around at all his stuffies surrounding him on his bed, all of different colors and sizes. Even their cuteness doesn’t make his mood any better.

 

He wills himself to fall asleep as soon as possible, squeezing his eyes shut and curling up as small as he can under his blankets. 

 

He doesn’t need a binkie _or_ a Mommy and Daddy. He’s a big boy. 

 

☆☆☆

 

He’s warm. So, _so_ warm and...wet?

 

Oh no.

 

Taeil’s eyes fly open and he glances at the time with blurry vision. _3:30 AM_. There’s only one reason why he would wake up at such an odd hour.

 

His heartbeat shoots up as he registers what’s happened. Still not fully awake, but aware enough to move, Taeil hesitantly shifts a hand under him and pats around. There’s a large damp spot surrounding him, concentrated around his bottom half. Tears spring to his eyes immediately, dread filling his chest.

 

He’s gone and wet the bed, like some dumb little baby. He couldn’t even wake up like a grown up, like a _big boy_ . Taeil’s never had an issue with this before, he’s always been able to make it to the bathroom in time. Well, sometimes he has small accidents, but never enough to warrant having to change his sheets. His accidents usually only happen when he’s feeling very, very little, which is exactly how he feels right now. Taeil feels like the littlest boy ever, curled around his unicorn, sniffling quietly, and he _hates_ it.

 

Taeil can feel a full tantrum building, can feel his eyes stinging with incoming tears and his tummy tightening in anxiousness. He buries his face in his toy and shakes with how upset he is. He knows he shouldn’t cry because he’ll wake Johnny and Kun, but he can’t help it anymore. 

 

His lips tremble and small whimpers fall his mouth until he’s sobbing brokenly into his unicorn’s soft fur. He stuffs his fist in his mouth to try and quiet his cries, but his wailing must be loud enough to be heard through the house’s thin walls. As worried as Taeil was about Johnny and Kun hearing him, he can’t even think about it right now. All he cares about is the fact that he’s wet and smelly and so, so upset. 

 

Little boys aren’t meant to wake up alone. They’re not supposed to wake up at strange hours only to find that they’ve made a mess of their bed. The realization that Taeil might’ve made his stuffies dirty too strikes him and makes him cry even harder. They’re his only friends beside Sicheng when he’s little and he made them _dirty_! Oh, what if they don’t like him anymore? What if his stuffies and Sicheng think he’s too messy and-and bad now?

 

The quiet creaking of his door being opened drags Taeil out of his thoughts and he curls up tighter, hiding from whoever is padding quietly over to his bed.

 

“Hyung?” Johnny’s voice is tentative. “Hyung, what’s wrong? We heard you crying and got worried.” His weight, heavier than Taeil had expected, settles next to him and soon after, gentle fingers thread their way through Taeil’s hair. Johnny strokes his hair, almost petting him like he’s trying to soothe a frightened animal, and the soft touch makes Taeil’s tummy twist in distress. 

 

He wants to tell Johnny to get off his bed and leave before Taeil makes _him_ messy too. He wants to shove Johnny away and cry in his soiled sheets by himself, but also feels an inexplicable yearning to crawl into Johnny’s lap and bury his face in the younger man’s broad chest. Taeil has always thought that Johnny looked like he would give the best cuddles and right now, there is nothing more that the little boy wants than to be cradled and soothed back to sleep. 

 

“Taeil, please. Please just talk to me. Does anything hurt? Where?” Johnny is practically pleading and Taeil feels horrible for it. He’s disappointing Johnny just like he did Sicheng because he can’t do something as simple as speaking. He would tell Johnny everything if he could, but he _knows_ that if he tries to talk, his voice will be small and broken. His words will slur and his pitch will raise and then Johnny will _know_. He’ll know that Taeil is little, just a dumb little boy who is not worth anyone’s time. 

 

“Babe?” Kun’s tone is colored with concern. “Johnny, what’s wrong with Hyung?” Taeil hears Johnny sigh in frustration and shame curls deep in his tummy, spurring another round of tears. He whimpers, wishing he could just disappear. 

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong! Hyung won’t even say anything to me.” Kun hums at Johnny’s words and pads closer, based on the soft footfalls that approach Taeil’s bed. Another gentle hand rests on Taeil’s head, stroking his hair along with Johnny. 

 

“Can you go grab a few trash bags, babe?” Kun’s voice is casual, but Taeil freezes in horror, his sobs quieting immediately. Kun _knows_. “They’re under the kitchen sink. I’ll stay with Hyung, don’t worry.” The bed shifts as Johnny gets up. Taeil hears him leave the room. He and Kun sit in silence for awhile, listening to Johnny fumble around in the kitchen while Taeil calms down. Eventually, his wails dissolve into quiet sniffles and small hiccups.

 

“Taeilie.” Kun uses the hand in Taeil’s hair to gently tug his face away from his pillow pet, grip loose even when Taeil resists for a moment. He must look so ugly from crying, all red-faced and sweaty.

 

“Taeilie, did you have an accident? I thought I smelled something. It’s okay if you did, we’ll help you.” Taeil looks up at Kun with bleary eyes that quickly fill with tears again. He hates that he cries so easily, but he doesn’t try to hold back the tears this time. There’s no point in trying to save his pride when Kun already knows. He nods tearfully, casting his eyes down so he doesn’t have to look at Kun. He’s humiliated.

 

“I promise I don’t-I don’t do this normally,” Taeil mumbles. He cringes at his own tone, higher than he’d like it to be. He hopes that Kun doesn’t think too hard about why he sounds different. “I’m just not very, um. Very-”

 

“You’re not very big right now?” Kun finishes for him. Taeil glances up, shocked. How...How does Kun know what means? Does he even know what he’s saying? Kun smiles at Taeil’s stunned silence and nods. 

 

“We know you’re a little, Taeilie.” Kun says gently. He tilts his head, humming thoughtfully. “Well, we know you _like_ to be little. I don’t think you're little all the time, right?” Taeil nods, speechless. He’s still trying to process the fact that _Kun knows he’s little_.

 

“H-How?” Taeil wonders. “I really tried to hide it, Kun.” Kun hums again, but doesn’t answer. He slides his hands under Taeil’s arms and tugs him into a sitting position. He caresses Taeil’s cheek with one hand and smooths his bangs away from his face with the other. 

 

“It’s so easy to tell, Taeilie. At least, it is for us. We notice everything about you; how you pause on the little kids’ section on Netflix and how you suck on your fingers when you’re asleep.” Kun explains, tilting Taeil’s chin up so he can look into his eyes. He sweeps his thumb under Taeil’s eye, swiping away a stray tear. Taeil resists the urge to shy away from Kun’s kind gaze. He’s still not completely sure what’s going on, but...Kun doesn’t seem to be upset. “There’s more, but how about a bath first?”

 

☆☆☆

 

Johnny pops a bubble on the tip of Taeil’s nose and mirrors his silly smile, the two of them laughing while Kun shakes his head fondly. 

 

“We’ve got to get you washed up before the water gets cold, Taeilie! You can play with your toys while Johnny washes your hair, okay?” Taeil nods easily, reaching for his rubber animals in his bath bucket. They’re his favorite bath toys because they squirt water and squeak when he squeezes them. 

 

“You’re a really cute little boy,” Johnny sighs fondly, lathering strawberry-scented shampoo into Taeil’s hair. Taeil giggles and leans into Johnny’s touch. “I’m so happy we get to see you little, Taeilie. I’ve actually dreamt of this before!” Taeil gasps, dropping his rubber duckie. 

 

“Me too, me too!” Taeil says excitedly. He blushes sweetly, glancing at Kun shyly. “Um, Taeilie had lots ‘nd lots of dreams of Johnny and KunKun too!” 

 

“Really? Like what?” Kun rubs a washcloth down Taeil’s back, scrubbing gently. Taeil hums thoughtfully. 

 

“Like, playing and cuddling! Taeilie dreamt ‘bout cuddling a lot…’cause I love hugs!” Kun and Johnny both coo at Taeil’s cuteness, endeared to the little boy. “And...And sometimes, in Taeilie’s dreams, I call you...um. I call you Mommy and Daddy.” Taeil murmurs the last part quickly, embarrassed at his own honesty. 

 

“Um, Taeilie has always thought that way because you’re both really sweet and nice to me. Sometimes, Taeilie’d fall asleep thinking ‘bout Mommy and Daddy taking care of me! I was kinda scared too, though, ‘cause…’cause ‘m older than both of you.” Taeil pouts sadly, restlessly flicking the bubbles around him. “Thought I was too big to be little, so I tried to hide it. I didn’t want you to think ‘m weird.  Taeilie ‘s...really little actually,” he says sheepishly, glancing at Johnny and Kun. 

 

Both men are smiling at him warmly and relief floods Taeil’s body. He feels a bit silly for having been so nervous before. Everything’s a bit scarier when he’s little and sad, though, which is why he must’ve cried so hard. He should’ve known that Johnny and Kun could never hate him. They didn’t even get upset when he wet the bed! Kun had just comforted him and helped him get ready for his bath while Johnny carefully tipped bubble bath into the tub. He’d really liked how warm Kun’s hands were and how gentle Johnny was. 

 

“Let’s finish your bath, baby. Do you want to sleep in our bed later?” And, _oh_ , when Johnny calls him that, Taeil melts. He nods happily. 

 

“Yes, Daddy,” he says shyly, blushing when Johnny smiles back at him. “Can I, um. Can I have a bottle too, please? And my binkie?”

 

“Of course, honey,” Kun says, petting Taeil’s hair. He kisses his damp cheek and smiles when Taeil squeaks quietly. “Just tell Mommy where you keep your things, okay? Mommy and Daddy will take care of you from now on!”

 

☆☆☆

 

Taeil sighs happily, cradled on Kun’s chest with Johnny curled up against his back. He sucks lazily and warm milk flows from his bottle, soothing him instantly. Kun coos at how Taeil’s eyes get heavier and heavier, the little boy nodding off already.

 

“You’ve had a rough night, huh, baby?” Johnny murmurs, rubbing Taeil’s tummy. “I think it’s bedtime for Mommy’s and Daddy’s little boy.” He’s propped up on one elbow so he can reach Taeil easier, making sure that he knows he’s close by. Taeil is especially clingy when he’s little. Taeil nods drowsily, milk leaking from the corner of his mouth. 

 

“Can you hand me his binkie, babe?” Kun asks Johnny, keeping his voice low so that he doesn’t rouse Taeil from his doze. He doesn’t take his eyes off Taeil, wanting to commit this sweet picture to memory. Taeil looks adorable, bundled up in his soft Hello Kitty pajamas they’d dug out of his closet and gripping Kun’s shirt in one small fist. “I don’t want to take the bottle away and make the little cutie pie upset.” 

 

Johnny leans over to grab the soother from the bedside table and hands it to Kun, who quickly replaces the bottle with the binkie. Taeil babbles sleepily but doesn’t make a fuss, sucking a few times before settling down again. Johnny and Kun glance at each other, fondness written all across their features.

 

“He said we’re his Mommy and Daddy,” Johnny says in a hushed tone, still rubbing Taeil’s tummy. It’s like he wants to be as close to Taeil as he can, he’s so attached to the little boy. 

 

“He did,” Kun says, in the same tone. They’re both amazed that Taeil chose _them_ of all people to take care of him like this. Taeil’s little space is something very special that Taeil cherishes, they know. “He thought we’d hate him for being little, so he hid it…” Johnny reaches over and grasps Kun’s hand. 

 

“We’ll show him he doesn’t have to be afraid,” Johnny promises. Kun smiles at him, hope bright in his eyes. Johnny smiles back, his heart brimming with warmth and love. 

 

“We’ll give him all the love he’s ever wanted and more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [twit](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


	8. viii. never too big - mark x jungwoo x xuxi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark has dreams. really, really nice dreams.

Mark knows, objectively, that he’s not  _ that _ small. 

 

Sure, he’s shorter than most of the other boys and has a lean figure from years of dancing with his crew, but he’s hardly as light as a feather. He might be slight, but he has a decent amount of muscle and his limbs had never quite grown out of their lankiness. Mark isn’t very big, but he’s also not very small. He’s not...little.

 

And, sometimes, that realization bothers him more than anything else. 

 

Mark really tries to not let it get him down, but when he slips into a headspace where all he wants is to be coddled and bundled up, it always hurts a bit to hold himself back. He knows that if he really truly asked for it, Xuxi would be more than happy to carry him. Xuxi is a nurturer, through and through, and would probably coo at Mark’s shy insistence that he be picked up and cuddled to sleep for his afternoon nap. He knows Xuxi would love the opportunity to take care of his friend, showing off the hard earned strength he’d gained as a personal trainer at the town gym, and maybe even piggyback him around the house if Mark felt particularly playful that day. 

 

Mark loves his friends (Does Xuxi count as just a friend if Mark had called him... _ that _ word once? Mark doesn’t like to think about it too much because it makes him feel squirmy and small in a way that he thinks is very embarrassing.) and is almost completely sure that they’d drop everything they were doing to pamper him, but he’s too scared to ask. He’s so, so afraid that if he takes that chance, they might make fun of him or think he’s strange. It’s not a secret that Mark likes to be little sometimes, but he usually stays in his room, not wanting to bother anyone with his sloppy coloring books and loud toys. He’s not confident that if he slipped deep enough, he wouldn’t start whining to be picked up and carried. That would be humiliating especially if...especially if Jungwoo was around. 

 

Jungwoo is easily one of the boys closest to Mark. They were somewhat unlikely friends, both quiet and awkward at first. But as Jungwoo steadily came out of his shell, showing off his offbeat sense of humor and cute charm, Mark found himself following the older boy rather than let himself fade to the background. Jungwoo had never pressured him to be more outgoing or to push himself past his boundaries; the older boy had even suggested some gentle exercises that he uses with the class of preschoolers he teaches. Mark had been flustered at the prospect of having to use children’s coping mechanisms, but the mindfulness activities he’d suggested, like deep breathing or listing positive thoughts, had really helped him through more than one bout of anxiety. At first, he’d needed Jungwoo’s help; a warm hand rubbing calming circles on his back while the older boy guided him in counting down from 100, Jungwoo’s soothing voice murmuring a stream of constant reassurances as Mark went from hyperventilating to ragged, but slow, breaths. Jungwoo has always been so patient, so kind to Mark. Mark might even go as far as to say that Jungwoo dotes on him.

 

When Mark is very, very little and his thought process has gone warm and fuzzy, he likes to fixate on one particular fantasy. If he were more aware, he’d stop himself in his tracks and resolutely focus on something painfully mundane to distract himself. But, sometimes, when he’s deep enough in his headspace to the point that he can only babble clumsily while sucking on his fingers...Mark thinks of Jungwoo.  It’s a common dream that Mark has when he’s caught in the haze between sleep and awareness. The beginning is always a bit vague, just sensations of warmth and contentment washing over him. Soon enough, the picture in his mind comes into focus and he basks in it for as long as he can before he falls into unconsciousness. 

 

_ Minhyung is lying down, lazily playing with one of his stuffed animals and sucking on his fingers, mind blissfully empty. Only, just before he finally falls asleep, his fingers are gently tugged out of his mouth. Right as he’s about to whine, someone coaxes a nipple past his lips. Minhyung looks up and sees Jungwoo smiling down at him, holding the bottle with one hand and petting his hair with the other. The older boy is dressed in a big sweater that looks soft and warm and his blond hair is fluffy. Minhyung very much wants to hug him, but he can’t quite muster the strength to sit up.  _

 

_ As if Jungwoo had read his mind, he carefully lifts Minhyung’s head, mindful of the bottle, and settles on the bed, pillowing his head on his lap. Minhyung doesn’t feel any nervousness or uncertainty at being cuddled; in his dreams, this is absolutely normal. And because this is a dream and Minhyung can do anything he likes, he babbles around the bottle and giggles as milk leaks down his chin. His heart warms at Jungwoo’s fond laugh and he smiles as Jungwoo dabs the spillage away. In his dreams, Jungwoo never gets upset when he makes a mess. In fact, he often tells Minhyung that he doesn’t mind because little boys are supposed to be clumsy and messy.  _

 

_ “What am I gonna do with you, huh, baby?” Jungwoo asks sweetly. He strokes Minhyung’s cheek with a finger, gently tickling the little boy’s chin. Minhyung giggles again, letting the bottle fall from his mouth so he can speak properly.  _

 

_ “Y’ gonna love me, Mommy!” Minhyung chirps cheekily, nuzzling against Jungwoo’s palm. “‘Cause, ‘cause I’m your baby! Mommy’s Minhyungie!” Jungwoo laughs and leans down to kiss Minhyung’s nose. Minhyung scrunches his nose but snuggles closer, pressing his cheek to Jungwoo’s tummy.  _

 

_ “That’s right, sweetheart!” Jungwoo cheers. He looks down at Minhyung with warmth in his eyes, adoration and love in his gaze. Minhyung feels his tummy flutter with butterflies, but breathes through the shyness. Mommy won’t think he’s silly for blushing at his words, he doesn’t need to hide. _

 

_ Minhyung smiles as sweetly as he can. He’s so full of happiness and love, he feels like he could float away. But, no, that’s silly. When Mommy’s holding him as tightly as he is now and cuddling him so close, Minhyung could never want to be anywhere else.  _

 

_ “I love you, Mommy,” Minhyung murmurs quietly. He sees Jungwoo’s eyes soften and the corners of his lips quirk up in a smile. Minhyung likes that, it means that Mommy is happy and Mommy should always be happy. “Um, Baby loves you bunches and bunches!” _

 

_ Jungwoo coos and smooths Minhyung’s hair from his forehead, as gentle and loving as always.  _

 

_ “Mommy loves you too, Minhyungie.” Jungwoo smiles, petting Mark’s hair. “I love my sweet little boy so, so much.” _

 

That’s when Mark wakes up, every single time that he has the dream. He doesn’t know what happens after Jungwoo tells Minhyung that he loves him, but...maybe that’s for the best. 

 

Mark thinks that it would hurt more to wish for more things that he cannot have. __  
  


***

 

“No, no, I know,” Xuxi mumbles absentmindedly, his phone balanced between his shoulder and cheek while he cranes his head to peer over the aisles of fruit. Jungwoo continues rambling over the line, his worried voice grating on Xuxi’s ears. “Woo, I know! Only organic fruits and vegetables for the baby, I remember!” Xuxi catches a store attendant’s eye and they both laugh silently. Xuxi sighs as he finally hangs up. 

 

“First-time parent?” The employee asks kindly, approaching Xuxi. They look middle-aged, with graying hair and lines around their eyes. Xuxi smiles wryly, sliding his phone back into his pocket. 

 

“Something like that,” Xuxi agrees. He tilts his empty shopping basket towards them. “I want to try making some homemade baby food, but I’ve been having a bit of trouble finding the organic produce section. Could you point me towards it?” 

 

The store attendant nods and walks Xuxi over to the middle of the produce section. 

 

“I know things are probably rough at home, what with the new baby and all,” The employee says, laughing along as Xuxi chuckles. “Babies don’t typically take to solids very easily, so sweets like apples or pears are nice starter foods. Make sure to sneak some vegetables like spinach or peas in, though, it’s not good to get them hooked on sugar so soon.” 

 

Xuxi nods gratefully, already eyeing a bag of golden apples. The employee walks away and Xuxi is left to deliberate on what Mark would like better; apples or pears. Mark hasn’t really indulged in his little side in front of him before, so he has no idea what the boy might like to have as a treat. He hadn’t corrected the employee when they assumed that Mark was a new baby, but...maybe they’re not so wrong. 

 

With renewed hope and excitement warming his heart, Xuxi shrugs and drops the apples  _ and _ pears in his basket; only the best for his baby boy, after all.

 

***

 

Jungwoo hums quietly, carefully folding each onesie and sorting them into piles based on their color. He knows he and Xuxi might have gone a bit overboard when they’d gone shopping online a few days ago, but they’d peeked into Mark’s closet and there was  _ really _ nothing there.

 

Mark has always been reserved about his little space, and they all respect that, but Jungwoo doesn’t think a few footsie pajamas and mittens and socks...and binkies...and stuffed animals...would hurt much. Jungwoo really hopes the boy won’t be too overwhelmed when he sees all his new presents. Deep inside, he thinks he and Xuxi might even be more excited to see Mark in his little space than anyone else.

 

The poor boy has been so stressed and overworked that Jungwoo can see that he’s barely holding on. He’d done tons of research when Mark had first told him that he likes to be little and he knows that many littles need to slip into their headspace to relax. That doesn’t apply to all littles, Jungwoo thinks, but he definitely think it does for Mark. 

 

He told only Xuxi about what he’d seen because he didn’t want Mark to feel embarrassed, but Jungwoo had known that Mark was little even weeks before the boy had told him. One day, not so coincidentally the day after Mark’s big evaluation at the office, Jungwoo had went into Mark’s room without knocking. He just wanted to check on him but he’d walked into something much more than just a burnt-out boy. 

 

Jungwoo had expected to see Mark gaming mindlessly or maybe even crying from stress (something that the boy is prone to), but instead...Mark had been  _ so _ much more peaceful than he’d expected him to be. Tucked in under multiple blankets with the AC’s gentle breeze ruffling his hair and musicbox renditions of Disney songs playing quietly from his phone, Mark had been curled around the stuffed lion that Xuxi had bought him months ago. The boy had also been sucking on his fingers, but that didn’t raise any flags for Jungwoo. If anything, he thought that Mark’s cute little pout and the way his fingers curled around his stuffed lion were  _ adorable _ . Not wanting to disturb the boy, Jungwoo had quietly left the room and went to find Xuxi because there was no way he could keep that cuteness to himself. 

 

The sound of the front door swinging open catches Jungwoo’s attention and Xuxi’s bright voice calling out makes him smile. Now that Xuxi is back, they can make Mark’s special treat and get ready for their little boy to come home. 

 

Jungwoo finishes folding the last of the pajamas and tucks them into Mark’s closet. After a few moments of careful thought, Jungwoo digs the Winnie the Pooh plushie he’d got with the rest of his order out and plops it on Mark’s pillow. He smiles. 

 

Everything is perfect.

 

***

 

Mark stumbles through the door and kicks his shoes off. The room is spinning and he swears his head is pounding, which he’s pretty sure isn’t a good thing. He sits down, right there next to his shoes, and leans back, letting his head thunk against the wall. 

 

Work had been  _ hell _ . He’d gotten a group project forced on his shoulders and has spent the past few weeks bearing the load on his own. Today had been the big presentation to the managers and, exhausted and spread too thin, Mark had fucked it up. Not enough to get fired, but certainly enough to get scolded by his superiors. Their angry yelling and less than thinly veiled insults had worn Mark down to the point that he’d had to escape to the bathroom to hide his tears. Crying had only made him feel more nauseous, so he’d taken the bus home only just barely aware of his surroundings. 

 

Mark makes it a rule to never slip in public, not even in front of his friends, because he’s sure it’d be absolutely  _ mortifying _ , but hunched over sick on the floor of his own apartment and tired down to his bones, Mark can’t help but sneak a few fingers toward his mouth. Maybe he could be little just for a bit, just a few seconds…

 

“Mark! You’re home!” Xuxi’s loud voice booms through the hall and Mark has to swallow his whimper. He loves Xuxi, he really does, but the other boy is so  _ loud _ sometimes. Heavy footsteps draw closer and Mark unconsciously hunches in on himself a little more. He hates being caught between headspaces. 

  
“Mark?” Xuxi’s voice is hushed now. A warm hand settles on his shoulder. “Oh, you don’t feel so good, huh?” Mark nods, a slight tilt of his head, and Xuxi coos sympathetically. 

 

“It’s okay, I promise,” Xuxi murmurs. Another hand settles on Mark and then both slide down under his arms. “Jungwoo and I have a surprise for you, but I’ll get you settled in bed first, okay? Just hold on tight, baby.”

 

Mark doesn’t register the pet name, but he can’t  _ not _ notice the way Xuxi picks him up so easily. It doesn’t even seem like Xuxi really has to try; he’s got Mark up in the air and then tucked into his side faster than Mark can blink. Instinctively, Mark tries to squirm out of Xuxi’s hold, but the other boy only tightens his arms around him as he keeps walking towards Mark’s room. 

 

“No, Xuxi.” Mark’s tone borders on a whine. He squirms helplessly. “Down, down. ‘M too heavy, can walk by myself. Down now.”

 

Xuxi pauses, arms still wrapped securely around Mark. The silence between them is heavy and Mark buries his face in Xuxi’s neck, embarrassed and clingy all at once. 

 

“Mark…” Xuxi’s voice is quiet. “Do you really want me to put you down, baby? I, I like carrying you. I saw you sucking your fingers just now. Doesn’t that mean you’re little?” 

 

All of a sudden, too quickly for Mark to process it, a wave of longing and loneliness floods through his entire being. His chest feels all funny and tight and his eyes ache like he’s about to cry. The fact that Xuxi is accepting Mark’s sudden change so readily seems to good to be true and Mark should know better than to trust so easily, but this is what Mark  _ dreams _ of. 

 

“I, I,” Mark stammers. He unconsciously wraps his legs around Xuxi’s waist, clinging to the other boy in an attempt to ground himself. Xuxi’s big warm hand on his back is more soothing than Mark would like to admit. “I...I dunno. I, I think I’m little? Maybe?” The aching feeling rushes through Mark again. “‘M scared, Xuxi.” 

 

Tears spring to Mark’s eyes and he sniffles to try and hide them, but it’s no use. Sobs rack through his body, he shakes in Xuxi’s arms. Mark’s whimpers escalate into full on cries. Immediately, Xuxi begins trying to comfort him, rubbing his back and swaying from side to side. 

 

Mark can’t help but cry. He knows that he should be happy, overjoyed that someone has even acknowledged his little tendencies, but he feels  _ awful _ . All of these old thoughts, born from his anxiety and insecurity, rush to the front of his mind. What if he’s a bad little? What if, what if he’s not cute enough? Oh, Mark doesn’t think he would ever be able to recover if they told him that he’s not  _ little _ enough to be a little boy. Mark’s turned the thought over in his head for months, the fact that he’s awkward and tall and  _ big _ . He knows better than anyone that he should feel  _ wrong _ for being little, but even still, he wants to cling to this chance with everything he has.

 

“Mark? Mark, baby, it’s all okay. I promise, I promise. Don’t be scared, baby.” Xuxi’s tone is laced with underlying panic, but he’s obviously trying his best to calm Mark down. His gentle swaying has quieted Mark’s sobs into weak whimpers. “I’m here, see? Um, Daddy’s here.” Mark’s breath catches in his chest. “R-Remember, baby? You called me that before, when you were scared of that thunderstorm. Aren’t I your Daddy, Mark? You don’t have to be scared when Daddy has you, I’ve got you, baby.”

 

Xuxi’s grip has finally relaxed enough that Mark can pull away, just far enough so that he can look Xuxi in the eye. Xuxi’s expression is slightly frantic, but the concerned frown on his brow melts away when he sees that Mark isn’t crying anymore. Mark stares at him for a long while, filled with so many thoughts that threaten to bubble out of him all at once. 

 

“You don’t hate it?” Mark whispers. The question hangs between them. Xuxi looks back at Mark with wide, confused eyes. “I, um. I thought you just felt bad for me...like, maybe you just let me call you that so I would shut up. ‘Cause I know I’m kind of, um, a lot and that I can be really annoying or clingy and...maybe you just wanted me to be quiet.” The fog in Xuxi’s eyes clears and the confusion is replaced with hurt. 

 

“You thought I hated it? Did...Did you think you were alone all this time, Mark?” Xuxi sounds awfully choked up and now Mark feels even worse, so worried that he hurt Xuxi’s feelings. Did he mess up? Was he, was he supposed to think that Xuxi was...his? Before Mark can get lost inside his own head again, Xuxi tips his head forward. He leans his forehead against Mark’s and Mark startles when he feels wetness drip onto his cheeks. Is...Is Xuxi crying? 

 

“Baby, no. No, no, no. I, I mean. How could I ever hate something so cute, how could I hate  _ you _ ?” Xuxi’s voice is pained and his grip tightens once again, holding Mark with one arm as he raises his other to swipe away his own tears. He crushes Mark against his chest. “I know we need to have a big talk with Jungwoo later, especially about all those things you said about yourself, but please, please,  _ please _ . Can I be your Daddy, Mark? Please?” 

 

Mark...doesn’t know what to say. After the long day he’d had, the last thing he expected was to come home and have a heart-to-heart talk with Xuxi while the other boy  _ held _ him. Xuxi is still holding Mark even now, with no sign of strain at all. If anything, Xuxi seems  _ eager _ to take care of Mark. And...and Jungwoo? How does Jungwoo fit into all of this? Of course, Mark’s first instinct is to say  _ yes _ , but just as he’s about to speak, a movement from the corner of his eye catches his attention. 

 

Jungwoo, poorly hidden behind the kitchen wall, startles as he makes eye contact with Mark. The older boy smiles sheepishly and beckons them closer. 

 

“How about we all get comfortable first?” Jungwoo offers kindly. “I have a few presents.” 

 

***

 

Apparently, getting comfortable entailed a lot more than Mark had initially thought. With Jungwoo in tow, Xuxi had finally carted him off to his room and gently deposited him onto his bed. His bed that...had brand new honeybee sheets? And a  _ Pooh Bear _ ?

 

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Jungwoo admits bashfully. Mark curls up as he speaks, resting his head on his pillow and looking at the other two boys who settled on the edge of his bed. Now that he’s calmed down, his head is fuzzy and he feels the slightest bit dazed. 

 

“We know that you’ve had a really rough week at work and figured that maybe...maybe you’d want to be little? I know that you usually like to keep to yourself, but that must be lonely, right?” Jungwoo is saying important things, Mark is sure, and he’s paying attention, he is, he swears. It’s just that...it’s awfully hard to focus on the big, icky things that Jungwoo is talking about, like his work. Mark is too tired and small to worry about that anymore.  _ Ick _ . 

 

A quiet chuckle draws Mark’s attention and he glances to the side to see Xuxi smiling at him fondly. The other boy reaches over and grabs the Pooh Bear, carefully tucking the stuffed animal under Mark’s chin. 

 

“Woo,” Xuxi murmurs, even as his eyes never leave Mark. His hand settles in Mark’s hair and pets the soft curls, soothing the boy until Mark’s eyes are heavy-lidded and his breathing has evened out. He’s not asleep, but he’s nearly there. “I don’t think our little boy is up for such a big talk right now. Maybe we should just save it for later.” Jungwoo nods understandingly, smiling down at Mark, who blinks up at him with glassy eyes.

 

Slowly, Jungwoo reaches a hand out and strokes Mark’s cheek. Mark coos happily and leans into the gentle touch. He feels...warm. Warm and fuzzy and  _ perfect _ . Mark’s never quite felt like this while he’s little before, but he decides that he likes it a lot. 

 

“Baby?” Jungwoo’s tone is hushed. Mark hums in acknowledgement. “We got you some nice new pajamas, sweetie. They’re super warm and cozy, special just for you. Can I help you get changed?” Mark nods easily, slipping a few fingers past his lips. 

 

“Yes, please,” Mark mumbles. “Minhyungie wan’ Mommy t’ help, please.” He’s far too little now to register the surprised look that Xuxi and Jungwoo share at his slip. Jungwoo stands and walks to the closet to pick out one of Mark’s onesies, watching Xuxi and Mark. 

 

“Minhyungie,” Xuxi begins carefully. Mark’s eyes track lazily to his face. “Are we your Mommy and Daddy? You can be honest, baby.” Still sucking on his fingers, Mark nods. 

 

Jungwoo settles back down on the bed and gently helps Mark out of his work clothes with Xuxi’s help. The little boy giggles and squirms when Jungwoo tickles his tummy, but otherwise behaves while Jungwoo changes him. Once Jungwoo is done, Mark is bundled up in a yellow Care Bears onesie and Xuxi can’t resist sneaking his phone out and taking a few pictures of the adorable sight. 

 

Before Jungwoo can pull away, Mark reaches out and grabs his wrist, tugging the older boy down to lie next to him. He slips his fingers out of his mouth and fixes Jungwoo with an oddly serious look, considering how little he must be. 

 

“Minhyungie dreams about this a lot,” Mark admits quietly. A blush colors his cheeks as he makes eye contact with Xuxi. He plays with Jungwoo’s fingers to soothe himself. “Minhyungie’s, um, always wanted a Mommy and Daddy.” The little boy’s expression turns shy. “In my dreams...Mommy holds me super tight ‘nd helps me sleep…”

 

Jungwoo coos and pets Mark’s hair while Xuxi settles down on his side next to them so that he’s pressed against Mark’s back. Mark can’t help but melt a little more in their arms.

 

“Do you want to sleep now?” Jungwoo asks. “Mommy and Daddy have more surprises for later, but maybe our little boy needs a nap, hm?” Mark, already half-asleep, nods and clings to Jungwoo. Surprises sounds exciting, but for now...all Mark wants to do is cuddle with his Mommy and Daddy. 

 

Mark knows that there’s a lot more they’ll have to talk about later, but when he’s cradled between Jungwoo and Xuxi, soft and sweet and little...

 

Nothing seems so scary anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minhyungie...the cutest little boy ever


	9. ix. be my nightlight - jungwoo x taeil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jungwoo really can't help it; how could he _not_ be afraid of the dark when it's so...it's so...it's so _scary!_

Jungwoo isn’t sure why he’s awake. 

 

He had his nightly glass of warm honeyed milk and even got to have storytime too, cuddled up to Taeil while the older man read him  _ Goodnight Moon _ . After a few (a lot) more cuddles, Taeil had tucked him in, warm and snug, before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead and murmuring that he’d be working in the living room. Jungwoo had drifted off to sleep soon after Taeil left, content and small in the best of ways. Jungwoo can’t think of any reason as to why he’s sitting in bed now, cold and alone and unable to fall back asleep, with tears streaming down his face. 

 

Except....except, Jungwoo knows why. He’s just mortified to admit it to himself. In fact, Jungwoo had nearly forgotten about the issue altogether because it hadn’t bothered him in so long. But now Jungwoo is forced to face the truth; no matter how little he is, no matter how cute he acts, he’s still a grown man.

 

And grown men are  _ not _ afraid of the dark. 

 

Being afraid of the dark was normal when he was, say, ten years old. It was totally normal for him to cling to his sister and pout until she let him drag his pillow and blanket to her room so he could spend the night with her because he was wholly convinced that there were monsters hiding in his closet. His parents spoiled him, letting him keep all the lights on in his room even after he’d fallen asleep. 

 

But none of that matters anymore because Jungwoo is a  _ grown  _ man in a  _ serious _ relationship with the man he thinks might really be “The One” and he will  _ not _ scare Taeil off by whining about the imaginary monsters under the bed like some helpless child. Jungwoo is lucky enough that Taeil accepted his little tendencies and likes being his caregiver; if he pushes his luck...Taeil might leave. And Jungwoo can’t let that happen, no, no, no. 

 

But as much as Jungwoo fears losing Taeil...he fears the dark more.

 

Jungwoo clusmily tries to untangle himself from his sweat-soaked sheets and eventually gives up, settling for wiggling out of bed with his sheets wrapped around his shoulders. He must have accidentally kicked his teddy bear onto the floor in his sleep, so he bends to scoop the toy into his arms and nuzzles his tear-stained cheek against its fur. The fuzzy softness brings him some comfort, but he putters out of his room longing for Taeil’s warm hugs, for Taeil’s soothing lullabies, for  _ Taeil _ . 

 

And just like Taeil had promised, there he is, lounging on their sofa with his laptop perched on his knees. That changes quickly, though; as soon as Taeil glances up to greet Jungwoo and realizes that something is  _ wrong _ , he hurriedly puts everything away and makes space for Jungwoo. 

 

“Woo, baby? Come here to Papa, sweetie, come here.” Before Taeil can even finish his sentence, Jungwoo is stumbling over to him. Jungwoo settles heavily between Taeil’s legs and tips forward, smushing his face against Taeil’s tummy and pressing as close to him as he can. Already, Taeil’s warmth soothes the worst of Jungwoo’s anxieties.

 

Taeil wraps his arms around Jungwoo, one hand settling on his back and the other coming up to pet his hair gently. 

 

“Was it a bad dream?” Taeil asks quietly, lightly scratching his nails over Jungwoo’s scalp. Jungwoo shakes his head and Taeil hums. “Can you be a big boy and use your words for me, please, lovey? Papa needs to know what’s wrong so I can fix it.” Taeil never stops his ministrations, comforting Jungwoo with simple touch. Jungwoo whimpers at the tender affection, rubbing his face into the softness of Taeil’s tummy because he’s overwhelmed and relieved all at once. 

 

Jungwoo really doesn’t know how to explain it, his fear of the dark. He doesn’t know if it’s the fear of the unknown, of what might be lurking  _ in _ the dark, or if it’s just some irrational fear that he can’t overcome, no matter how old he is. All he knows is that the dark makes him feel cold and squirmy inside, heart hammering against his chest even as he’s frozen in place.  Jungwoo might not know what  _ causes _ his fear, but now he knows what  _ soothes _ his fear. 

 

Taeil’s easy confidence, easy acceptance of Jungwoo’s frazzled appearance and eagerness to make everything  _ better _ , makes Jungwoo’s earlier insecurity fade to the back of his mind. Jungwoo isn’t even thinking about the fact that telling Taeil might go wrong; how could it? When Taeil is holding him close just like he is right now and murmuring soft, sweet reassurances in that gentle tone, it’s hard to be afraid. 

 

“Puh-Papa,” Jungwoo blubbers, still blinking away tears. He shifts so he can slip his arms underneath Taeil and hug him even tighter. “I, um, was scared ‘nd, uh, Woo was-” Jungwoo stops, frustrated at himself. It’s hard to think like a big boy when all he wants to do is cuddle with Taeil and sink as deep into that soft, warm headspace as he can. Taeil coos and pets Jungwoo’s hair more firmly, drawing his attention back. 

 

“You can talk however you want to, baby,” Taeil murmurs. “Be a big boy for just a few more minutes and then Papa will ease you down again, I promise.” Jungwoo sniffles; it’s like Taeil always knows just what he needs. “Now go ahead, sweetie. Why did Woo wake up crying, hm?”

 

Jungwoo takes a deep breath and finally peeks up from where he’s kept his face hidden against Taeil’s chest. He sees Taeil’s warm brown eyes and finds a bit of bravery within himself.

 

“Don’t laugh at Woo,” Jungwoo mumbles shyly, blushing from embarrassment. Taeil smiles and nods, as patient as ever. “But, um, Wuh-Woo...Woo woke up by himself ‘nd all the lights were off…Thas’ why Woo was cryin’...” Taeil frowns in confusion, but his eyes widen in realization just moments after. Jungwoo whines and buries his face back in Taeil’s shirt. Taeil  _ knows _ now.

 

“Oh, baby,” Taeil sighs, his tone fond and just a bit exasperated. “My silly little boy, why didn’t you just  _ tell _ Papa that you’re afraid of the dark? Then you wouldn’t have had to wake up scared earlier.” 

 

Jungwoo pouts. Taeil is right, but still...he’d been very upset earlier!

 

“I didn’t wan’ Papa to think ‘M weird,” Jungwoo admits. “Woo ‘s a big boy...not a baby.” The sound that Taeil lets out is wounded enough that Jungwoo looks up in shock. Taeil looks at Jungwoo with an indescribable look in his eyes, but Jungwoo thinks it might be…longing?

 

“Sweetie, listen to Papa very carefully, okay?” Jungwoo nods obligingly and Taeil smiles, sliding both of his hands up to cradle Jungwoo’s round face. Taeil takes a deep breath, just like how Jungwoo had moments before. 

 

“I really don’t mind if you’re afraid of the dark, Woo.” Taeil’s words are enough to make Jungwoo want to speak up, but Taeil fixes him with a firm, but patient, look. “I know that our relationship is a bit new, but I really do love taking care of you, baby. I actually love how you, um, how you need me all the time.” Taeil’s cheeks redden and he flicks his gaze down.

 

“Don’t laugh at Papa either, okay?” Taeil teases, catching Jungwoo’s gaze. Jungwoo giggles and rests his head on Taeil’s shoulder, nuzzling closer. “But, um, I would really like it if you wanted to be...littler? Is that the word? Like, if Woo wanted bottles and diapers and binkies...Papa wants them too.” 

 

Taeil laughs at himself but Jungwoo gasps, raising his head to look at Taeil in astonishment. Taeil looks back at him with such fondness in his eyes that Jungwoo could melt.

 

“You, Y’ really mean it?” Jungwoo asks hopefully. “‘Cause Woo always thought that maybe, maybe Papa wan’ a big boy, not a little boy…” Taeil shakes his head and presses a sweet kiss to Jungwoo’s forehead.

 

“Papa wants  _ all _ of Woo,” Taeil says quietly, adoration in his gaze. He pets Jungwoo’s hair gently. “I love my silly boyfriend and my little boy, I love  _ all _ of you, sweetie.” 

 

Jungwoo, sniffling to keep another round of tears at bay, smiles and kisses the soft line of Taeil’s jaw, the only spot he can reach in his position.

 

“I love you too, Papa!” Jungwgoo cheers, a fluttery warmth blossoming in his chest. A thought pops up into his head. “Um, Papa? Can we get a nightlight tomorrow, please…?” Jungwoo asks bashfully, giggling when Taeil nods enthusiastically.

 

“You can have whatever you want, little prince,” Taeil promises kindly. He squeezes Jungwoo even tighter, hugging him happily. “Papa will take care of everything now. Don’t worry, sweetie!” 

 

Jungwoo smiles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [this](https://www.amazon.com/Miffy-Sweet-Dreams-Nijntje-Favorite/dp/B01CS25FNO/ref=sr_1_42?crid=27MSGXICYPZ7M&keywords=bunny+night+light&qid=1567618746&s=gateway&sprefix=bunny+ni%2Cgarden%2C201&sr=8-42) is the nightlight that woo and taeilie get! it matches perfectly with the playroom that taeil is (secretly, hehe) building for woo in their house's spare room!
> 
>  
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_?lang=en)

**Author's Note:**

> twt : [ ♡ ](https://twitter.com/mmoontaeil_)


End file.
